Women of the world: Take due blame

When are the women of the world going to grow up and take responsibility for their actions? When are they going to man up and take blame?

Women today are always playing the victim card — news anchor called “baby” on national TV, the man must be a jerk, file a case; woman raped, molested or groped, the man must be cheap, expose him on social media. Why doesn’t the woman admit, she sent him mixed signals? Her lips said no but he could hear her body say “come ravish me with a force I’ve never known“.

The problem with most women nowadays, including me, is that we are too hopeful. Our expectations ruin us… we have expectations of everyone! We expect the man we love to treat us like we mean something to him, even if he doesn’t reciprocate that love back; we expect our male friend to support our dreams, even if he doesn’t believe in what we are doing; we expect our tailor, our CA, our laptop repair guy, our local grocery delivery boy to perform their duties and task in the timeframe they have committed, even if they didn’t feel like coming in to work that day (and every other day for the last 3 years). How can one woman have so many expectations from every man?

In the midst of all of this, imagine the man’s state: he has so many women in his life: his mother, his sister, his cousins, his friends, his gf/fiance/wife, his colleagues, the top servant who comes to clean his house — all of them with such high expectations. How can he do anything but crumble and fold under the pressure? How is he expected not to raise his hand on the wife that’s nagged him to get a better job? Or lust after the colleague who’s an overachiever in the office and trying her hardest to get a good position? Or for that matter, how does he even understand that when the lady at the bus stop smiles back at him each morning while he lecherously grins at her, she is just trying to be polite?

This is a woman problem! This is us women not willing to take responsibility and put a stop to our expectations! We think if we are polite but not friendly, a man will not misunderstand us. He will understand that we are just being courteous and there is no need to insult him to make him back off.

I am not blaming any one woman, nor am I excluding myself from this dangerous demographic. I am equally to blame, just as all the women I talk of.

Let me replay a recent incident for u. I met a man at a reputed literary event. He is part of a friend’s literary group. I gave him my number. He started sending daily good morning msgs; I ignored them as I normally do with forwards. He started friendly conversation, I politely responded. He complimented me, I politely thanked him. He then proceeded to start using terms of endearment like baby, angel, I politely ignored that and moved on.

This is the situation, now for context about behavior. I am an anti-social person. I love my friends to death but I take long to make those friends. I keep people at arm’s length. Yet this man has started being familiar with me — all because I was polite. But I am a woman, I am strong, I can accept my faults.

My first mistake: Giving the man my number. I expected him to be a respectable human being who would understand boundaries based purely on the fact that he was at a literary event, he seemed to be, at the very least, in his late thirties and he should be mature enough to be able to communicate with a lady without making her feel uncomfortable. If you notice, at the first stage of interaction itself, my expectations are innumerable.

My second mistake: ignoring the good morning forwards and not telling him to stop messaging me then and there. See, I was naive again and full of hope. I thought hes just like all the other millions of Indians crowding Google sending good morning messages, like Wall Street Journal recently reported. A harmless activity for me, Google can comment on the strain it’s putting on them.

My third mistake: not calling him out for calling me baby and angel. The first time he used the term, I thought it must have been a slip. I had expected him to behave like a normal individual I had just met, surely no man would be that familiar that fast. So I decided to be polite and ignore it… And then it continued. Now it’s too late to say anything because it will be misconstrued that I have started having some other issue with said individual and that’s why I’m responding negatively, or maybe I’m just pmsing so I’m acting out.

Either way I’ve dug my grave and I have to lie in it. It’s not too late, you say? I can still call him out on his astonishing behavior…?

Let’s see how that’s traditionally worked out for women in the past.
A most recent episode that’s taken place is of the news anchor, Sanjana Chowhan (from NewsX). She was called baby on national TV, she took a minute to react and respond to the use of the endearment. It’s not because she was shocked that it happened; but as popular opinion goes, it’s because prompters told her to react and make a scene for better TRPs. Her mistake was she expected a learned man, coming for an interview on national TV, with whom she has no interaction with socially, to conduct himself with respect and dignity pursuant to the situation.

Her second mistake was not reacting fast enough to the standing block of her expectations collapsing.

If, as a woman, we expect so much from a man we don’t know, imagine what we expect from the men we are close to. Our friends, our boyfriends, fiances and husbands, are dying with the pressure of our expectations. We expect them to support us in what we want to do, we expect them to be there for us in our hours of grief and suffering, we expect them to choose going for a dinner with us over a football match or lazing on the couch at home, we expect them to respond to us when we ask a question or are having a conversation — and why? Because we would come home and cook dinner for them after a tiring day, we would sacrifice shopping for a perfect outfit for the most important business event of our career to attend a party they wanted us to be at, we would drag ourselves to go for a drink with them on our one evening off when the last time we rested was 2 months ago, and we would put our work on hold (read as work till the wee hours of the night to meet a deadline), just so that they could have a conversation with us when they are free.

It is us women who have too high expectations. It is us women who are spoiling the general balance by trying to be superhuman and do it all. This is why I say, we women are to blame for all the wrong that happens to us.

Because being raped, molested, groped, leered at, made to feel derogatory and cheap, deprioritized, second-best, not good enough are not issues of society and the male species at large. They are issues of womankind. They are caused due to a woman’s unrealistic expectations; due to her unimaginable ability to do all the things she expects; due to her unreasonable hopefulness of being understood and treated better; and most importantly, due to her unbelievably strong resolve to get through it all, on top of everything.

So, women of the world: man up and take due blame for all the wrong that’s ever happened to you. It is noones fault but your own! Your expectations are too high even though they are the most basic in nature. A man is just not equipped to handle all of this pressure. Why do you think God made woman AFTER he was done with everything else?


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